I think I am morally bankrupt
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
