If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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