Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
