Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
