At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
