I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
