Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
