Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
