RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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