My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
