I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
