I accidentally burped into my bong.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
