Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
