Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
