i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
