Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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