You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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