idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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