Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
