You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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