just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
