Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How external is "for external use only"?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
