Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
