I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
