I met the friendliest cop last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
