it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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