Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
