We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
