Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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