u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
