he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
