Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you had me at cake vodka
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
