Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
