two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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