mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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