Welp...herpes.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
