I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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