carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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