Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
