Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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