she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
