Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
