This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I party with great urgency now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
