hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
