highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you traded sex for a burrito?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
