Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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