Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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