Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
