I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
