How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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