A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
