The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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