I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
