Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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