Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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